Devastating News…

I have fished at but never swam at this lake. I read that her 4 year old son said that his mommy put him back on the boat, but she didn’t make it. Authorities said she had enough energy to hoist her son up but not herself. This poor baby. I’m saddened by this news. This picture broke me, AND being the 7th year anniversary of Cory Monteith’s death… OMG.

Just such sadness.

Revenge-Seeking – Parental Alienation

Revenge-Seeking. This behavior is calculated to try to hurt the other person without taking responsibility. An example of this is described above with the “back-handed compliment.” The individual somehow is threatened by the other, whether real or imagined, and seeks revenge in an underhanded manner. By doing so, they can claim ignorance if confronted such…
— Read on parentalalienation-pas.com/2020/06/22/revenge-seeking/

THREATS-

https://abc7.com/society/dr-barbara-ferrer-says-shes-received-death-threats/6260502/

Just saw this on the news. WHY the death threats? To me, it’s simple. You wear a mask or you don’t. If you don’t, you suffer the consequences, whatever they may be. If you wear a mask, you are doing your part to help us all be healthy, and safe. Get over your damn selves. WHY TF make death threats?

There’s a lady I know who, several years ago, told me, “Watch your back.” She was responding to a situation that she was NOT a part of and had nothing to do with her. I took it as a threat, and could have gotten her suspended at the very least, and fired at the most, but I documented it and let it slide.

Sometime last year I believe it was, an 18 year old threatened to fuck me up, in FRONT of a few officers from my local PD. THEY, the PD, did nothing. A few years before that, a near 50 yr old threatened me with the same, over the phone. I documented it and let it slide.

When Keith was alive, his ex wife threatened me. Well, she was ALWAYS threatening me with one thing or another, but this one particular time, she was REALLY PISSED OFF at me and said that she had been diagnosed with severe depression and she was going to be on my door step so I had better be afraid. Then she accused me of being the cause of her second divorce, but I’ve already written about that, LOL.

People need to just STOP with the threats, MY GOD. Is losing your job and freedom worth it?! Really?!

Father’s Day Through The Years

Dealing with a HCBM, you know nothing is ever “normal,” not even Father’s Day. A day that, if at all possible, a child or children should be allowed to spend with their Dad.

Key words being, SHOULD BE ALLOWED. That was not the case in my late husband’s situation.

Here is his story:

He and his ex divorced in November 1990. At the time of the divorce, the COURT ordered that he is entitled “to reasonable visitation, as mutually agreed upon with petitioner.” For some reason, let’s just say, for CONTROL purposes, the ex wrote in a letter, dated 5/22/1995 that she “has a right to authorize visitation as I see fit; visitation is up to me.” He defaulted in his divorce. He didn’t wanted nothing more to do with HER, so he didn’t show up. He didn’t think she would turn the kids on him, but he found out REAL quick that that was exactly what she was working on.

So, their divorce was final November 30, 1990 and Keith died November 29, 2005. In those 15 years, Keith got Father’s Day visitation with his kids, 1 time. The year was 2000. Father’s Day 2000 was also his daughters birthday, which he was never allowed to celebrate with her until this year. BEFORE 2000 though….

In February of 1995, the ex wrote a letter to Keith stating, “Your opinion to make me look like I have denied you any visitation is very wrong…. Please respond to this letter in writing with all your phone calls to be given to the kids. I no longer wish to have verbal arguments concerning the visitation-you will not cooperate with me…all your phone calls will be given without any hassle to N and L….” Well, that was ALL a lie, but I digress.

In June of 1996, it was after 8pm on Father’s Day, and the kids had not called my husband. I called them to speak to them, thinking it would have made my husband happy to hear his kids. When I called, his ex answered, and when I said, “J- it’s Patricia…” she immediately hung up. I called back and left a message, saying that I had gotten disconnected the first time and to please call when they got this message.

Two minutes later, the ex called, IRATE, demanding to speak to Keith. Since he was not aware that I had called the kids, I said I would not get Keith on the phone. The ex lashed out at me and asking, “Where the fuck do you get off calling my phone when it is unlisted and I did not give it to you, and it’s unlisted for a reason! If you ever fucking call here again, I will have my number disconnected and I will NOT give it to Keith!” I reminded her she was legally required to give him the new number. She replied, “No I’m not, if I wanted to change my number at anytime I could do so, where does your fat ass get off calling my home?” I reminded her that the first time I called, she had hung up, and the second time I called, I had to leave a message. Still irate, she said, “In fact, I told the kids 3-4 times today to call their dad and it was their decision whether they wanted to or not.” I told her I didn’t believe her. She went on to say, “Just as you refuse to get Keith on the phone when I call, and just as you say my calls to your home are harassing, do not ever fucking call my hone again!”

I asked her why she was using such profanity towards me when there was no need to. She replied with, and I kid you NOT…”You and Keith were wrong to send a wedding invitation to the kids 3 weeks after the fucking fact! You are sick to use the same phrase in your invitation that I did when I married Keith!” I told her we told the kids we had gotten married the week after we got home, that it wasn’t an invitation, it was an announcement and I had no idea what she was talking about, what saying? She told me, “stop acting so unknowing! I’ll send you a copy of my invitation!” I realized she was talking about the quote, “Today I will marry my best friend…” I was actually quite surprised she admitted to still having one around after 12 years, and told her to go ahead and send it. (Still waiting!) Then she brought up the fact that I didn’t know when she and Keith got married. Well, I knew it was either June 2nd or 6th, I could look it up if she wanted me to, but what did it matter? She told me I wasn’t part of “this family” and I said that as of May 18, 1996, I was part of my husband’s family and she said, “oh yeah, #4″ to which I replied, ” at least he divorced you.” Like salt on a slug, she seemed to have recoiled enough to hiss at me, “don’t call my fucking home again!” twice before she hung up.

So, Keith didn’t get to speak to his kids on Father’s Day.

A week later, on June 23rd, the ex had the kids call their dad, “Person to Person Collect.” Why? Who knows, but it seems she’s still reeling from last weeks phone call with me. I didn’t answer the phone, because I probably would have denied to call and then Keith would have called them back. There just was no excuse for this type of call. Keith’s best friend that lived with us answered the phone and accepted the call.

Remember what his ex said back in her letter of February 1995 about “hassle free phone calls”? I guess that only applied to….well never, actually, and specifically, not in this particular call. Keith could hear his ex in the background, badgering the kids. At one time , while his daughter was talking with him, his ex had asked her, “Did you know Patricia called here on Father’s Day?” his daughter said she didn’t know, and Keith asked her if it was a problem and why did it seem like a problem to which his daughter said she didn’t know.

So, fast forward to the year 2000. Keith practically had to beg to see his kids (more so than usual) for Father’s day. It was also on his daughter’s birthday and he wanted to celebrate both, since he had never had the chance to before. The ex agreed, but I am sure it was a hard fought battle on my husband’s part. It was ALWAYS a battle to see his kids, but THIS is about Father’s Day and THIS is the only year he was “allowed” to see his kids.

It is now a no wonder why his ex always said she plans her summer vacations the last two weeks of June. So THEY can celebrate her daughter’s birthday and Father’s day with her husband. It’s NOW a no wonder why Keith’s daughter once told him that her stepdad was more of a father to her than Keith was.

It all makes sense after awhile.

10 Signs of Parental Alienation

10 Signs of Parental Alienation

1. Your Former Spouse Tells Your Children Details of Your Divorce

My husbands ex told their kids he had told her that if it wasn’t for the fact that his ex was pregnant with their first child, he never would have married her.

2. Your Spouse Makes False Allegations of Domestic Violence

This never came up until AFTER my late husband died. His ex stalked me on a friends “Live Journal” blog and posted that she left him for abuse, after writing she was only there to talk about me and not disparage his name.

3. Your Former Spouse Speaks Badly of You in Front of Your Children

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS. How do we know this? Because their kids, in particular, their daughter would repeat things her mother would say. At one time, his daughter wrote, “ Yes, its okay that my mom says this stuff because most of the time i agree with her…” His ex has written that she was going to tell the kids that if she didnt hear from him by a certain time about something she was wanting money for, she said, “If I don’t hear from you… I’ll tell them you don’t care to help.” She also said, “ I guess taking care of another man’s child is more important as usual to you.” She told ME another time “you people are so fucking cheap! you are so cheap that you can spend money on their asthma and your computers and all your bullshit but you’ll whine about…” she drowned out. “Their” would be my daughter that my husband was raising as his own and OUR son. She was in a RAGE, even threatening me, because we found out she was over charging us in airfare for their kids to fly out and visit. My stepdaughter once yelled at my husband, “you don’t care about us! You just care about STUPID SARAH!” My daughter.

4. Your Former Spouse Uses Negative Body Language

Well, I had only seen the ex approximately 4 times in all the years my husband and I were together. The LAST time I had seen her was, unfortunately, at my husband’s Memorial Service. The FIRST time I had seen her was the Summer of 1995, and what an episode that was, screaming at us, throwing a FIT in front of the kids, her then husband, HIS son, our neighbors, us. She cussed me out, pointed her finger in my face, called me names, told the kids to get in the car and burnt rubber down the street. Does this count as a “uses negative Body Language”? It was during this visitation that about 4 days later, she had called the police and told the Watch Sargent that my husband “took the kids out of the county of San Diego and was holding them against their will.” Two sheriff units came to the house to check on the kids. We had to prove that SHE dropped the kids off at our home for an already agreed upon visitation. I don’t think her husband ever knew she did this. Another time I saw her was when our kids and I went with my husband to meet her and the kids in Huntington Beach to pick up their kids for visitation. They were standing by a metal rail and my son was climbing on the rail. He was probably 2 or 3 at the time, and I saw her place her hand on my son’s and then ever so casually, say, “oh, be careful honey” and lift my sons hand off the rail. THANK GOD he did not fall or get hurt. I just grabbed up my son and walked towards our van.

5. Your Children Are Angry with You

This really started in 2002/2003 with my step kids. They both told him to stop emailing them, don’t text them. My stepson said he was tired of my husbands “bullshit and half truths” Step daughter told her dad that she was “in the middle of everything” but her mother was telling her about taking her dad back court, etc.

When San Diego was having horrible fires, the ex would not give my husband their sons cell phone number, saying their son will give it to him if he wants. She threatened to file harassment charges against and get a restraining order against him if he called her mother’s number to talk to their son. When he would send a text to their daughter, she threatened to change their numbers. She was ADAMANT that he only call their home number. Wonder why. Step daughter told him NOT to email her or send her text messages. He was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t.

6. Your Children Feel Guilty After Spending Time with You

One time step son emailed my husband and said that “the past 2 Christmas’s have sucked.” When husband looked it up, his EX had the kids the previous year. The year before THAT, there was an issue with his daughter not wanting to speak to her grandpa, my father in law, “stupid grandpa” as she called him, and locking herself in the bathroom because she “hadn’t gotten grandpa’s presents.” Stepdaughter called her mother and well… one can guess how THAT went. The last time my husband saw his kids for Christmas was in 1999. His son turned 18 in 2002 and his daughter turned 18 in 2005. That’s just Christmas. There were ALWAYS issues the ex was hassling my husband about, before, during and after visitations.

7. Your Former Spouse Pries About Your Private Life

After every visitation, the ex would ask the kids questions, leading questions about what goes on at our house and low and behold, she would send off an email complaining about something that the kids told her. She even told us that she has a pair of my underwear and made fun of that. WTF? WHO has their kids take a pair of underwear that doesn’t belong to them? WHY were they snooping in my and their dad’s bedroom?

ONE time after a visitation, a solicitor from MCI (phone co.) called and asked me if I knew a “John U” the ex’s husband. I told her I did and she said “GREAT!” And continued on with her speech, saying that he had given her our number to call. I told her who John U was and that we weren’t interested, but thanks. I called the ex’s house and she answered the phone and hung up on me immediately hearing it was me. I called the ex’s house again the next day. This time her husband answered. I told him who I was, told him that MCI called the previous night, saying he had given them our number to call. He sighed and “No, I didn’t do that. Patricia who?” I told him again who I was and he said, “no, I didn’t do that. You guys have caused me enough heartache in my life.” I chuckled and said, “well, isn’t THAT the pot calling the kettle black” and he hung up. LOL.

For him to say we have caused him enough heartache in his life, tells me that he had NO IDEA what his wife was doing while he’s away at work, and then when he’s told, he isn’t told the truth.

8. Your Former Spouse Keeps Your Children Away From You

My husbands divorce was final, Nov. 1990. The ex moved out of state in 1993, without my husbands ok. so there’s that.

When she took him back to court in 1995, she had an attorney, husband did not. SHE refused to discuss a visitation schedule. She just wanted an increase in support. From February 1993 to December 1996- husband was denied visitation 7 times. He saw his kids 7 weeks in 1997. In 1998, they went back to court and he had an attorney. She got a decrease in support ($100 off from child care) and he got set visitations of 6-8 weeks a year. From July 1998 to June 2005 when his daughter turned 18, he was denied visitation 7 times. It would have been 8 but he died 4 days after Thanksgiving in 2005.

9. Your Former Spouse Gives Your Children Choices About Visits

Oh yes! It first started off that the ex tried to claim that the court papers he didn’t show up for (back in 1990) said that visitation was up to her as she “sees fit.” No, that’s NOT what it said. What it DID say was they shared Joint Legal Custody and she had sole physical custody, “subject to the RESPONDENT’S right of reasonable visitation as mutually agreed upon with Petitioner.” From the time a set visitation was scheduled in 1998, when the kids were 14 and 11, is when the ex started throwing around how the kids have a choice to visit or not, really started trying to push her demand that I am not present because the kids “don’t like her” and she tried to demand that he split his visitation time with her mother, under the guise of “listening to the kids, its what they want,” etc. As it was, his son stopped visiting in Winter 2001, and his daughter stopped visiting after Spring 2003.

10. Your Former Spouse Asks Your Children to Choose One Parent

This wasn’t done verbally. This was done by the bad mouthing of my husband to the kids, this was done by the ex pointing out my husbands faults and what he CAN’T do for them and saying all positive Mary Poppins stuff about herself, “look what I do! Look how much I care! I take you on actual vacations, we go boating skiing, and when you come back from the boring visitation with your Dad, we’ll go have some fun because “the skies the limit.” If my husband takes them to the zoo, fair, he gets chastised because money is tight for him, so “why did you do that if you can’t afford it?” Like I said before, he was damned if he did, damned if he didn’t.

So Far…

How’s everyone doing? How are you handling this pandemic? Are you looking forward to being able to go out more, wearing masks as our new normal? I’m on the fence about this, about opening up already. I understand financially, something has to be done, but it makes me nervous still.

Yesterday, fiance and I were at Walmart, he needed to pay a bill. Usually, there is no line, but we were 4th or 5th in line, and what made it worse was that the CS Rep had to keep going to a checkout stand and help there as well, because a card reader was acting up. ANYWAY, it was hot, and I wasn’t feeling as it was, so I told my fiance I would be going out to the car, I felt like I was going to pass out. Thankfully, my daughter’s boyfriend called me to see if I was home, and I told him I would call him back. When I went out to the car, I called him and thanked him for giving me the excuse to leave the store because of how I was feeling, LOL. He just wanted to drop something off for her room a/c. He and my daughter came by this morning and he fixed her a/c.

SO, my work ended May 29th. Because of the pandemic, I was not able to work summer school. I had been told that district was approving only 1-2 aides in the class and it was going by seniority, and I didn’t make the cut. I filed for unemployment, for the first time since working for the district for nearly 14 years, and was approved.

Yesterday, I got a call from HR asking if I wanted to work Summer school. The 2nd aide in the class decided not to do it, and I was next! Of course I accepted. The thing is, it’s only for 3 hours a day. Well, we get paid for 6 hours, but it is broken up and split between the two aides. When I let unemployment know, HOPEFULLY, they will pay the difference.

I was telling the teacher I’m very glad to be back to “work”. I like being home, but it’s a different mentality when I’m not working. During the school year, I worked from home and was available from 8am-2pm every day. I made life skills and academic videos for the students, and then it went to straight academic videos, had Zoom meetings and was available during working hours. It’s almost the same now, just even shorter hours. I LOVE what I do and this is just a crazy time.

I hope all has been well with you, my readers and followers. We’ll get through this, just stay safe and practice social distancing, hand washing and wearing masks. Stay cool, stay HYDRATED, it’s HOT out there. I am NOT a summer person. Heat makes me cranky and I try not to be, LOL….

Until next time….

P~

This Week….

This week… starts off with this DATE, 5/18, today, which would have been my 24th wedding anniversary, and ends on Friday, 5/22, with the birth of my son, 23 years ago…. Happy Heavenly Anniversary, Keith❤️💙💜❤️